Today is Sunday. I missed church, because I was too lazy to get up. Or too lazy to care. Remember that blog I posted awhile back about all my doubts? They're still there. I don't know what to feel or think about God anymore. I feel abandoned. I thought I found Him again, but then He was gone again, like He never came back. I never wrote about that-- it was during VBS. I was standing next to my six year old brother Cody, and we were singing the VBS song, and he was singing so loud and smiling... and I almost cried. I felt God there, just for a few minutes. I almost had to leave the room it hit me so hard. But it faded-- He left me again, and it seems like nothing is making him coming back. Not singing all the hymns. Not trying my best to pay attention in chapel. Not Concert Choir. I can't feel anything, and it's scaring me. I can feel that ennui thing starting to creep up on me, and still I just sit here on my computer, not even writing my book, not even trying to do anything productive. Except talking to Trent. That's what honestly keeps me sane sometimes.
Last night, we had an interesting conversation about love, and I discovered something about myself. About why I force myself to believe in love, even when everyone tells me it's stupid. I didn't realize it until I typed it out to Trent. And in that moment, I realized how fucked up I really am. I believe in love like a fairy tale, because if I don't, no one will. Almost every couple in my family that I'm close to is divorced. My parents. My aunt. My grandma. I'm afraid I'll end up like them-- alone and bitter. Trent told me we don't have to pity those who are alone... and I don't. But I'd pity myself. I suck at being by myself. In fact, being alone is my worst fear. Probably has something to do with my mom. That's why I surround myself with friends and try to be as loveable as possible. I'm afraid, at times, that I'm really not all that loveable. That I try too hard.
Oh well.
I really didn't mean this post to turn out this way. It just kind of happened when I started typing about missing church. I haven't really blogged about serious things in awhile, so maybe it's okay. If you don't wanna read the rest, you can stop here. I'm sure the next post will be something happy. -shrug- I tend to do that with my moods.
Moving on.
People scare me, in all honesty. For instance, there was a year of my life I wasted on depression and a certain type of fear. You know that type of horrified thrill you get when you think people are talking about you? Or that people don't like you, but won't say it to your face? My sophomore year, the senior class made me feel like that all the time. Like I was a centimeter tall, and I couldn't voice an opinion or hang out with who I wanted, because they were ALWAYS around. There's just no escaping people in a school as small as mine. Not to mention the ex-boyfriend hovering over my head, always stabbing at me. I had friends in that class, from CSP, and I've made a few since they graduated, but still, certain people show up at school, and it's the same feeling. I remember, and I'm ALWAYS going to remember how I felt when they were around all the time, and I can't deal with it. I go into a shell. I stick to what used to be my clique. I don't feel welcome in my own skin when they come around.
Which is silly, right? I'm always telling people that high school drama won't matter in ten years, but I'll speak truthfully: if I saw one of them ten years from now, I'd probably want to hide in a hole.
It boggles my mind how people can have multiple faces. A long time ago, I posted something called "People, Faces, and Thoughts" dealing with that issue, and it still continnues to amaze me. You want me to stay out of your business. You don't want me butting in. But yet you post your issues all over facebook and MySpace, expecting me to not ask what's wrong? Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I can't let that go-- It's impossible for me to let people hurt, I HAVE to save them. I wrote a song about that-- the savior complex. And guess what, I might not even have that going for me... I'm sure I've found the person who is going to break me. Not on purpose, probably. He's not trying to hurt me. But he's killing me. He's one of two people I worry about constantly, and I've run out of words to say to him. Every day, I watch him get worse, and it hurts more and more. He's got two faces too-- one for the world, a happy exterior, and then the tortured side that he only let's me see part of.
He doesn't want me to save him. He won't LET me help, he'll just listen to me, and ask me to stay awake with him, and I'll do it. I can't let him sit up awake and hurting. But at the same time, allowing me to help that little bit is killing me more than if he were to tell me to not help at all-- I'll feel like I'm getting somewhere, FINALLY, and then he'll take it away from me. With a joke, or a sarcastic, depressed comment. I can't do anything to help him, and it keeps me awake at night, it keeps me wondering all the time. He's one of my best friends and he's slowly dying right in front of me.
The car beeping a million times outside my window is right. I should stop thinking about it. It didn't say that, of course, it's a car horn, but it interuppted me at the right time. Maybe I just whine too much. Who knows. I'll let you know if I find God, or if human existence starts to make sense to me again. Let me quote a song: "I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question: 'does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me'?"
I've thought about this post for a couple weeks, and it's been hard to put it off, just because I've got so much I want to say. I know my posts are always a bit long-winded, but for those of you who actually read them-- thanks. It means a lot to me that someone cares about what I'm talking about. Anyways, moving onto the important stuff.
School starts tomorrow. Most kids would be groaning about it, and dreading the coming year, but things are a little bit different for me. I'm a town kid, so most of my friends disappear for these three months, and I miss them so much that I'm actually excited for school. Crazy, huh? I'd like to think that most other kids are like that too, but I think it's mostly me. Haha, oh well.
But not only is school starting, it's my senior year. Four years. And it's crazy, because I look back, and it feels like yesterday that Marlee was telling me that it'd go by so fast. And I remember to this day what David wrote on the senior picture he handed me at Marlee's grad party-- "Enjoy these four years, you won't know where they went when it's over." I thought at the time, four years is so long, by the time senior year comes, I'll be ready to be done. Haha. Now that I'm realizing it's my last year, I'm a little scared. The real world is out there, waiting for me.
And I'm probably not going to have any of my friends to face it with me, thanks to the nature of our school. The scariest thought, I think, is that I know I'm going to fall out of touch with people. Even with Facebook and MySpace... it's still going to happen. I blame the newsfeed-- why talk to someone when I can just see everything they're doing on Facebook? That damn newsfeed has turned keeping in touch into a spectator sport, and I know I've fallen victim to it. The point being that I'm best friends with a lot of these people, and I might not see them ever again after this year, and the thought of not even talking to them makes it so much worse.
But I'm determined to make the most out of this year. I'm not sure how I'm going to balance friend time with Trent time, and I'm barely gong to see my family with all the after school stuff I'm signed up for, plus I'll be gone most weekends for concert choir. Hell, I might have already gone to college for all they can tell. I never really feel a sense of homesickness for my family, just because they're always at home, even if I'm out. I know they're there if I need them. Leaving next year, they're gonna be three hours away. My closest friends to Calvin College will be Rishad, if he stays near there, and Johnna if she goes to GVSU. Trent will be in Saginaw for another year, and then an hour away at Western. Amanda will be at Ferris, and who knows how many people are gonna be in Minnesota for MLC. Thinking about it makes me feel a little lonely.
I'm not worried about making friends-- after getting out of my poisonous little shell that I was stuck in the first two years of high school, I make friends just fine, I'm a fucking social butterfly. But they aren't going to have memories with me. We'll have to make them. The inside jokes that are hilarious now are just going to seem weird to them. I'll have to tell them my life's story, and I'll have to explain everything about myself to them. It's a long process, believe me.
Maybe I shouldn't be focusing so much on next year, though. THIS is the year I meant to talk about when I started writing, forgive me for getting carried away. THIS year is my senior year of high school. I have the friends to make it great, the Saginaw music scene will hopefully pick up a bit thanks to SYS Fest, and even if there's nothing to do in this shithole town, we'll make it fun if it kills us. If Tara is still up for the slip n slide in the commons, hell, so am I! Haha. I have a job, so I'll be able to afford the fun at least (and TRY to save for college). I'm in Concert Choir. I'm the president of CSP, and from what I hear, I now own the yearbook and Red And White staffs, so... it'll be a good year. I have a ton to keep me occupied.
I can worry about next year when it comes. I'll close with this quote:
"This is the life we show, this is the life I lead. They can never take this from me-- so here's to another better year!" -- A Day To Remember
Okay, so my last blog probably didn't leave anyone with warm, fuzzy feelings. Sorry about that. I promise that this time around, I'm talking about some better things. It's quarter to eight in the morning, and I'm sitting here, waiting for it to be time to go to my job. It's a job I enjoy, actually, it's fairly easy, it's just a little monotonous. And I'm terrified for when I have to fit everything I've been doing in three hours into like... two. At most. SCARY! haha.
Yesterday I was talking with a girl from my roleplaying site. We had recently discovered that we both have a character named Julian. Which isn't weird in and of itself, but somehow, we ended up with the same pictures for him from Model Mayhem. There's like 578453388346 people on MM and somehow, we got the same name, same pics. Luckily, the characters are nothing alike, otherwise I'd probably be getting bitched out for stealing. But you know. Crazy shit happens. This really has nothing to do with anything, it's just a fun little story.
Speaking of my roleplaying site, I got to talk to my friend Kara from there on the phone last night. ^^; We talked for a couple hours before I had to go to bed (and get up at 7, ew), and it was nice. She's really like, the only internet person I'd consider meeting in real life, so it was nice to hear a voice to matc with the face and IMs and excellent story writing. Haha. I know, it sounds silly and riskous, but when you've known this person for like, seven months, and are friends on all manner of social networking sites, it's not that hard to figure out she's legit. xD But whatevs. I love my Karakins.
I was actually supposed to kind of work on my book yesterday, but I... yeah. Trent's laptop (which I'm on right now) doesn't support .wps files, so I can't open them, and it's a bit of a bummer. Once I'm on a roll, I'm not good at stopping and skipping to some other spot. I had had in mind that I would just go pen the story of Kodak's dramatic falling out with his friend-turned-enemy Asher Curry, but like I said. I was on a roll in chapter seven, and I can't just skip to chapter eight.
What really exciting is that after chapter eight, the focal point of the book is in chapter nine. I've had the page for that written since January, when I started this project. It was the first thing I ever wrote, and I'm finally close to being able to copy paste it from my "stuff for later" document into the actual story. That is an AMAZING feeling, one I wasn't quite sure I was going to get for a while. Once I get my laptop back, and I'm home again where there's still no internet, I think it's going to take over my life. And you better believe I'm going to be taking my laptop to school a hell of a lot more. I'm working with a deadline, dammit.
Okay not really. It's my "I promised Tara I'd do my best to be done by Halloween" deadline. It was originally set for my birthday (Sept. 24th) but I figured giving myself the extra week would be a good idea... Hmm. Yeah, as soon as I'm home, I gotta get moving, because I just realized that's like, a moneth and a have, and i still have a good 15/20,000 words to go. Shitttt. Haha. But you saw that I at least have all the chapter titles figured out, well enough to pull together the OFFICIAL SOUNDTRACK (-confetti-), so I might just maybe be okay.
On a totally different subject, Trent and I built a fort in his basement last night, consisting of six well placed blankets, some folding chairs, and a couple hand held weights. It made me happy! Haha. It took me back to my childhood. It was a warm cozy litle fort, but I think Seth took it own =[ Or it "deconstructed itself", according to Trent, but it's more fun to think that I can punch Seth in the head for destroying my childlike whimsy. (That isn't very whimsical. Oh well, fuck it. hehe.)
Trying to play Wii Bowling over that thing was kinda hard anyways.
I don't really have anything else to say. School's starting soon. I'm an employed woman. I might actually have a book finished BEFORE I go to college to learn to write better so I can get books published. Do me a favor-- if you see me in six years and I haven't done any writing, yell at me. Make me remember my dreams, because adults have a tendency to forget their dreams after college, and I refuse to be one of them.
Also, damn, if I'm still in Michigan, get me a plane ticket to ANYWHERE.
I'm just going to warn you now, this is a venting blog. I need to get it out before I go insane.
I am so fucking sick of people assuming that I'm having sex with Trent.
I'll tell you the truth, right now. WE HAVE NOT HAD SEX. His penis has NOT, in fact, been inside of me. Is that blunt enough for you? Do you get it now?
I'm sick of it. Today, while at Trent's house, my mother came over to his house, declaring that she'd called his house phone three times, and since we didn't answer, we were obvious banging. Seth was home, of course, but when I told her this, she said "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
Which of course made me angry as hell, so I told her I didn't appreciate her accusing me of things. Then she said she wasn't accusing me of anything. Which she was. Like she has been since we started going out. It took every ounce of self-control I possess to not scream, "I'm sorry that you're a whore who can't keep your pants on, but guess what? I'M NOT YOU."
I know this sounds teen angst, but anyone who's heard the story of my mother's epic fail can testify that I am not being overly dramatic. Seth was watching out the window and was even pissed enough to almost come out and argue with her, only he couldn't think of an argument that didn't start with the words "crazy cunt" or something like that. Mrs. Hansen came in at the end of the argument as my mom was storming off, and after seeing me almost in tears, was pretty pissed off too.
I don't understand my mom's issue. My dad lets me and Trent be alone at my house for hours. You know why? Because he knows I'm not fucking retarded, and that he can trust me to make smart decisions. My mom on the other hand, who fucks every guy she dates within a month, seems to think that I'd rather follow her completely retarded way of life. I don't know why. And I'm sorry I'm ranting about it.
It's just that sometime, enough is enough.
Also, today, I found out that some girl from Camp Lor-Ray LIED to Mulchuck's dad and said I spent all my time at Trent's camper. That was a huge, "WHAT THE FUCK" for me, since I never went to Trent's camper, except once to get a candy bar before the campers even got there. He came up to the dining hall to see me a few times, but that was it. So I might not get asked back to work there, thanks to this bitch. I don't know for sure who it was, but I have an inkling. There was only one girl there who didn't like me, for God knows what reason. Probably because her fling buddy for the past few summers flirted with me instead of her this year. Nevermind that I have Trent and wasn't interested in the least. It was her two-facedness that could drive me insane.
I think it's cause I got her junior counselor spot. Whatever. They screwed me on money. I'll just go work at Killarney, I'm sure it'll be more fun.
That's all I have to bitch about. In some good news, I got a job today =]I'm going to be doing some secretarial stuff for a doctor's office after school Mondays through Thrusdays. It's gonna be nice to finally have money. =]
So that's all. I'll try to not post two blogs in a day again, haha.
I Sold My Soul To The Open Road (and didn't mind one bit)
Every time I drive around with Trent, it hits me how easy it would be to just keep driving and never look back. I hate this town. Saginaw is literally, like... shit. xD There is nothing to do here, and it shows when the biggest event of the summer is a smallish concert called "Support Your Scene Fest" And it costs 20 bucks.
Ugh. Also, I'm stuck at my mom's house this week. Most of you who follow this blog know that my mother is a failure at life that I cannot get along with. I try to avoid spending the night there, and when I'm there, I have my laptop to keep me company-- internet or book writing, one of the two. Well, I'm stuck there till Thursday, Jen took my laptop to Cadillac, my grandma won't let me on the phone for more than ten minutes, and my mom's computer doesn't work, so I can't even work on my book. That's a huge FML, right there.
Okay, I promise I didn't start tihs blog just to complain. I'm at Trent's house right now, obviously, since I'm posting. xD I have another blog for you guys, but it's saved on my laptop, so I can't put it up right now. But I'll give you my musical recommendation of the now. It's a mix. You'll have to put in some effort to get the songs, maybe. But I'm really excited about this. Here's a little background...
Most of you know I'm writing a book, called "Dismantle. Repair." Well, I'm proud to announce...
THE DISMANTLE. REPAIR. OFFICIAL SOUNDTRACK!!!!! -confetti-
1)Dismantle. Repair BY ANBERLIN 2) The Downfall of Us All BY A DAY TO REMEMBER 3) Endless, Nameless BY NIRVANA 4) Born For This BY PARAMORE 5) The Beach BY ALL TIME LOW 6) Stockholm Syndrome BY MUSE 7) We Are Not The World BY SILVERSTEIN 8) Summer Skin BY DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE 9) Bulls Make Money, Bears Make Money, Pigs Get Slaughtered BY CHIODOS 10) If You Don't, Don't BY JIMMY EAT WORLD 11) Weight Of The World BY EVANESCENCE 12) We Are The Involuntary BY UNDEROATH 13) Prelude 12/21 BY AFI 14) Of All The Gin Joints In All The World BY FALL OUT BOY 15) Only One BY YELLOWCARD 16) The Heart I Once Had BY NIGHTWISH 17) I'm So Sick BY FLYLEAF 18) You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds BY MAYDAY PARADE 19) Konstantine BY SOMETHING CORPORATE 20) Stop This Song (Lovesick Melody) BY PARAMORE 21) In Bloom BY NIRVANA
There you have it. If you can piece that together, I really recommend it, I worked really hard pulling all the chapter titles together and making that playlist. It was also a bitch to remember from yesterday and type it up, so appreciate it. xD
The jerks downstairs who promised I could use their internet decided to get a password protector on their net. Thanks, you greedy little bitches. So, ironically, my mom’s house is the only place I can get internet because I know the Charter default password. I can SOMETIMES get a very tenuous connection in my room from a Charter thing somewhere, but as was demonstrated last night, it dies often and never comes back (sorry about that, Farva). So until I can figure out how to get a consistent signal, there’s not really gonna be good blogs, unless I type it up on Word first (like I’m doing now) and copy paste it and SOMEHOW manage to get a connection long enough to post it. Hopefully, I can do that with this one…
So I’m really, really sorry, and trust me, I don’t like this one bit, because I need this blog to vent =[ But hopefully my father will get a wireless router when the home computer’s internet gets turned back on.
There's a song called "Listen To The Rain" that was written by Amy Lee of Evanescence for her high school's senior chorus, and my sophomore year of high school, I suggested it to Mrs. Berg, the choir director, and she actually let us sing it. ^^ It's today's theme song, since it's raining today...
Call me crazy, but I like the rain. Not thunder or anything, but I really just like the comfort of being inside, watching the rain fall, while I'm warm and cozy. And of course, soft music is a must. Rainy days just don't fit with hardcore. Here's a quick list of some of the best rainy day songs: ~My Immortal, Piano/Vocal Version (it's different than the album one), by Evanescence ~Yellow, by Coldplay ~Remembering Sunday, by All Time Low ~Hear You Me, by Jimmy Eat World ~Your Guardian Angel, by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus ~When It Rains, by Paramore ~We'll Never Leave Again, by Straylight Run ~What Sarah Said, by Death Cab For Cutie ~She Paints Me Blue, by Something Corporate ...and of course, my current song addiction: ~If It Means A Lot To You, by A Day To Remember
...Okay, enough of the rain talk, let's talk about some other stuff.
In six days, it will be August 14th. You know what that means? I'll have been dating Trent for six months. SIX MONTHS. To me, that's... It's such a big chuck of time, but it's flown by. This might seem kind of weird, but I feel like I can remember everything perfectly, and then, at times, I can't remember anything but the present. Maybe it's that whole time running simultaneously thing... But when it comes down to it, I've been with this boy for half a year. Half a year that's been the BEST half a year of my whole life. And not just because of him, my junior year of high school was certainly the best so far, but he definitely helped.
Allow me to go on with the Sap Spam (TM) for a little while, okay? Bear with me. (haven't used that term in a while, haha).
Getting together with Trent was one of the things I could have never imagined happening. Yeah, we went to gradeschool together, but I talked to him once when I was young, because we got seated by each other for Thanksgiving lunch. And all I thought was "Wow, he's kinda fat, isn't he?" And never thought of him again. Until this year. Tara and Hilde had had this planned, apparently, but I'll never forget the night it happened. I'd gone to a movie with a huge group of friends, but I was the only one riding with Tara, and we were in the Toys R Us parking lot, wating for Glenn to be done making snow angels.
She was talking about how she'd been texting Hilde, and I was like, "Um?" And she changed the subject so subtley, I didn't even notice what was happening. "Hey, his best friend is Trent Hansen. And I guess he's like, a writer and a reader... Yeah, his walls are just covered in stuff he's written..." Of course I was interested. I didn't know another writer, and someone to talk to about my writing... Yeah, it was a dream come true. Okay, maybe I was a little more than platonically interested-- I'd been without a boyfriend for a year to the DAY that night, and I think that's while I'll always remember it-- it was the year anniversary of the day I got dumped sophomore year. Funny coincidence, right?
Till the end of Janurary, I thought of ways to talk to him. The coincidences kept building-- sometimes he'd sit where we sat in the commons, Amanda's firend Luke said we should get together after Amanda said I was pointing out a million books, Trent would sit by us if a guy he talked to was near us... But still, nothing happened, till one fateful night before a basketball game, when I was working on my book. He came and sat in our little pod of chairs, because Remington was there, and we talked a little bit. Then I got up to go to the game, and he ended up sitting by us agan, cause his friend Jen was there.
That night, I went home, and he showed up in my "People I May Know" on MySpace. Funny coincidence right? I was fairly melting with excitement by this point. Haha. And so I added him, we commented, then we started IMing, and then... well, the rest is history, right?
The point is, I love him, more than anything. On my MySpace, there's a line that says, "He is the breath in my lungs and the beat in my heart." I wrote it a few weeks after we started going out, and guess what? It's still true. Even if the odds are against us as a high school couple, and people are skeptical about us, and my parents think it's just another thing... And yeah, I KNOW I sound like every other sixteen year old girl... but I don't care.
This is what I feel. It is what it is, and oh well. It isn't changing anytime soon.
THIS IS THE END OF THE SAP SPAM (TM)
Thanks so much for bearing with me throught that, haha. I don't think it would be appropriate to try and follow that up with something mundane. We'll save my VBS stories for another post, all right? Thanks for reading, again.
Gwen Stefani hasn't said a lot of relevant things on her own (anyone remember, IF I HAD ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD I'D BE A WEALTHY GIRL or whatever the fuck that was?), but when she was in No Doubt, the girl had something to say. "I'm just a girl, that's all that you'll let me be." Listening to that song, it kinda struck me... It's freaking TRUE. When you're a girl... you're a girl. It doesn't matter what you do... you're a girl. Like, think of it like this. Men, you get to be singers, writers, artists, plumbers, drivers... when we do those things, we're "girl singers", "girl writers". Like that has any relevancy to what we do.
I'm not a feminist, so I'll stop right here. But it's just some interesting thoughts I had. Moving on.
THE VANS WARPED TOUR 2009!!!!!
That's right. Detroit Rock City showed everyone in hte whole country up again, because honestly, it wouldn't be a concert in Michigan if we didn't get told at least once that we're the best stop on the whole tour. Hell, I can't think of a SINGLE concert I've been to where that didn't happen... every band find us to be freaking rad. I can't really describe to you how amazing it was. Suffice to say, we got to watch A Skylit Drive perform from backstage, I got a picture with Jag, I almost died during Chiodos, and found out I like ska more than I thought I did. I'm not going to post all the pics (there's like, 60), but here are some of my faves.
Yeah. It was an ace day. =D
Other things. I'm thinking about putting my HathxKodak project on the back burner for now... And continuing with a sort-of-sci-fi thing... It's not really sci-fi... It's more along the lines of comic book super heroes...that aren't really heroes. There's an accurate description of it on my MySpace page-- check it out if you're interested. I believe the link is still on the side of this page. If not, um, message me or something. All y'all following this are my friends on Facebook, I believe (most of you, anyways) I'm excited about it. If I could just find the inspiration to write something that wasn't about myself (blogspot never suffers from my extreme writer's block, I'm sure you're all like, 'what are you talking about, you never shut up!' haha)
I'm going to admit it right now, so I can write a blog about it later (Trent may kill me for this). I AM GOING TO AN ANIME CONVENTION NEXT WEEKEND. Depending on your mind set, you either won't care, or you think I'm fuckin weird, but I don't careeee. Cause guess what? Animes have better plots than most of the real-time shows America has ever created. Don't believe me? Check it out, bitch. (Yeah, I'm a little defensive) I'm what we'd call... and otaku. (nerd) I have never had a problem admitting that I love manga and anime, until Trent made it sound like I was fucking crazy for liking it. He's been making fun of me nonstop since I told him I might be going, and even moreso when I told him, yes, I'm going to shell out $15 bucks and a four hour drive to Traverse City to do this. I get to meet Tamaki's voice actor and watch parts of the new Neon Genesis Evangelion movie though, so it's so worth it. Now I just have to actually finish watching NGE... and get those damned DVDs back to Luke... haha.
I have new music recommendations for you guys! I haven't done that in a bit, other than to practically force feed you some Streetlight Manifesto awhile back. I've been digging some Anti-Flag lately, and that little No Doubt kick, plus, the tried and true Chiodos love continues. "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" just came on (playlist ftw) and that always makes me want to dance. You should all DEFINITELY check out the band TAT. They've got a nice little MySpace page, and they've got some coolness vibe going for them. Frontwoman Tatiana can own a crowd, accroding to Seth, who was lucky enough to catch them at Warped while I was dying in a Chiodos moshpit. Anyways, I'm beast at making playlists (ask Tara), so if you ever want a CD, let me know, and I can make your a mix, and if I can't get you a CD, at least tell you what tracks to download in what order. =]
I've gotta get going. I'm gonna try to do something semi-productive. Maybe I'll at least write some lyrics and post those up here-- The last song I did was.... let's see, I think it was "Hakuun and Kuzan", but don't quote me on that. Haha. Peace out, guys!
This is a little place for me to settle down and write my feelings and lyrics without censorship. It's a peaceful blog atmosphere. Don't fuck it up. Haha. Peace.
<3Kayla
I'm just a seventeen year old girl who needed a place to write freely. My stepmom, who doesn't like me swearing, has both myspace and facebook, so... this is my free place. If you want more info, you can hit me up those places. Mostly myspace these days. Thanks for reading, btdubs =]
<3Kayla
