Come On Sweet Catastrophe!
Yes. The Something Corporate binge continues. Sadly, I've been listening to the same fifteen songs, because I'm too lazy to download their entire anthology at the moment. The past few days have been...eventful, to say the least. I helped decide my future. I had an audition that made my knees knock. LITERALLY. People are still uploading prom photos, still making me smile. As soon as I get my own pictures, the promised prom speech will be uploaded. If you even care. Anyways. Let's talk about what's going down.
Point number one. Deciding my future. I had my meeting about what electives I want next year, and college and all that. The kindly Professor was awesome enough to give me a Twizzler, and I got out of fifteen minutes of Spanish. I decided to drop piano classes next year-- my parents don't really know that, but what the hell. I love playing piano, don't get me wrong. It's just that I hate being graded on it, and I don't want to play things I don't want to play. I'll teach myself how to play 5438954396738673097 Evanescence songs, damn it! And Tchaikovsky is on my to do list. Haha. YEAH BABY. I was comissioned to write a seperate blog for the school website. Note to self. Stop writing Coffee Shop and work on School Blog. I'm going to finish out this year, then do it all next year. In my senior will, I guess I can will the blog to someone. Probably Christy-- she's a writer... Ha. But yeah. The atmosphere for the School Blog will be much different. It's a recruting tool. Meaning HOLY MOTHER FUCKING CENSORSHIP. Obviously. Conservative Lutheran High School FTW. (for the win.) haha.
Let's talk about that knee knocking audition. At my school, music is a huge fucking deal. Freshman and Sophomores are required to be in choir, and Juniors and Seniors audition for three things: Concert Choir, Chapel Choir, and Chimes/Bells. (juniors to handchimes, seniors do handbells) Concert Choir is a big deal. They travel arond and sing at churchs. They have fancy robes. They go on tour over spring break. They're a big. fucking. deal. Most people want to be in that group, myself included. Chapel Choir is a step down (kind of the reject choir, but still talented-- more so than the public school kids, for sure.) I'm in Chapel Choir this year. We sing in Chapel and don't do much other than be a singing group around school. Chimes/Bells is for those who can't or won't sing. Plain and simple.
So these auditions are scary as hell. You go into the choir room and are faced with the two choir directors. Never mind they're the nicest peopel ever. They become terrifying. You sing the first verse of "Beautiful Savior" in your designated voice (soprano, alto, tenor, bass) and then do some sight reading. Alone. No accompaniament. SCARYYYYYY! I did okay for the song. It's sight reading I fail at. I can sing. I can blend. But I can't sing something I've never heard, I'm a play it by ear kind of girl. So after that was done that day, I was pretty much exhausted with the whole "deciding about next year" shit. Choir results are out on Monday. I'm not to worried about it-- I like being in Chapel Choir. Concert Choir would be cool, but I'm not going to be concerned about it. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Last year, it was a huge fucking deal, but this year? Hey man, I'm chill. Haha.
My ongoing addiction to Something Corporate continues. "Hurricane" is fast becoming a favorite. It'll never trump "Konstantine" but hey. I found sheet music for "K" but it's 19 pages long and we are, alas, out of ink. One day. I shall play that song and sing to my heart's content. Haha. Never mind that it's abotu a girl. It's still fucking beautiful. (On a non-SoCo note, I also found good sheet music for "Existentialism on Prom Night" YAY!)
Also today, I became disillusioned with Amanda Palmer. She sent out the weekly newsletter, detailing that today is her birthday. Then she said that Jesus didn't accomplish much, John Lennon fails at life, and continued on to ask us to send her songs and albums to our friends who don't know "Amanda Fucking Palmer". She still hasn't shaved her armpits, btdubs, and is still a very loud supporter of Barack Obama. WHO IS FAILING SO EPICLY, I might point out. She's on the track downnnn. I miss the Dresden Dolls. Solo projects fucking blow.
But yeah. Such is life. Too bad I can't listen to music if I don't like the person making the music. I wish I could just ignore that, but I can't. Ever heard of Shaun Morgan? Seether? Hate em. Liked the song "Broken" (mostly cause Amy Lee was in it) and kinda was into them for awhile, until Amy and Shaun broke up, and he whined all over the press when "Call Me When You're Sober" came out. And he never shuts up about South fucking Africa. WE GET IT THAT YOU'RE FROM THERE, DUDE. Go pretend to be Kurt Cobain THERE.
All right. Mini rant over. Haha. That was pretty bad. Oh well. I think that's about all I have for you lovely people today. In parting, I bestow upon you a funny picture of me and the love of my life (surely you remember Trent? How could you forget? I mention him so often. haha)
The World Could Be Burning Dark Blue
So. It's been a little while since I've updated this, and to anyone who is actually out there reading this, I apologize. Life's been a little crazy lately, hectic and busy. You can blame the love of my life for that, too. haha. I owe roleplaying replies, too, and I have to write some lyrics, before I go insane. I used to write all my lyrics in history class, but I write notes to Trent now, instead. Our teacher is a drunken fool, so there's no point in listening to him. But anyways. On to the things I'd really actually like to talk about and accomplish in this post.
Last night was prom. Well, not really. At our school it's called "junior/senior banquet", because we're a christian school, and "prom" sends a bad message. Because OBVIOUSLY changing the name will make kids less likely to fuck each other's brains out. xD Come on, governing board, you should know better than THAT... But anyways. I was the junior speaker for the banquet, meaning I had to give a speech, which was rather nerve wracking. I'll probably post it up here eventually, cause I'm actually kind of proud of the thing. I had a few people tell me it was really good, which made me feel a whole lot better about the whole thing. Especially since mine was sentimentel, as opposed to Lucas's (the senior spealer) which was kind of just going for laughs the whole time.
The dinner was nice. I was on the planning committee for the whole thing, so I knew what we were having, and the good thing is we actually picked good food! Two of the seniors, Rachel and Aaron, sang a song that Aaron wrote called "More Than Words" and it was seriously amazing. I'm waiting for the video to go on Facebook-- I'll link to it when I post my prom speech later. =] You'll be stunned, I hope, cause it was amazing. Then after all the entertainment and stuff was over, they started playing music, and surprisingly, started out with slow songs. I like dancing slow songs, especially now that the person I'm dancing them with is special. Yeah, that's right, there's no way I could get through a blog without mentioning Trent at least a billion times, I'm sorry. But hey. He looked good. I'll get some pictures of that up eventually. We got professional ones taken, but scanned pictures never look as good as the digital ones, so I'll wait to borrow my stepmom's memory card and put some pictures up. Anyways. About dancing. I even got Trent to dance with me during fast songs, which was awesome. Haha. Have you ever seen a bunch of white Lutheran kids, plus some Korean exchange students, trying to ghetto dance to "Sexy Can I"? It's interesting to say the least.
But of course, eventually, the night came to an end. I didn't go to an after party, and neither did the love of my life. I had accomplished my mission for the night, to ninja a picture of my friends Luke and Amanda, who are ALLLLLMOST dating and should be... But yeah. I got it. I had an awesome time. My hair was cool looking, thanks to my wonderful stepmom. My hair is a little burnt out today because of it though-- two hours of curling, half a bottle of hairspray, some gel, two shampooings to get it all our, conditioning, then striaghtening it today? Maybe not the smartest choice. Haha. But it was worth it. It'll fix itself in the coming days, I'm sure. I'll just keep putting the Hydrasilk stuff in it.
All righty. So. Warpping up-- prom rocked. Plain and simple. I was worried it was gonna be a little lame, like Homecoming or Sadie Hawkins, but nope. And I was there with the guy I love, which made it better than anything. =]
Peace out guys. Hope you're having as good of a time in life as I am right now.
<3Kayla
p.s.-- lately, I've been listening to a lot of Jack's Mannequin and Something Corporate (they're KIND of the same thing...) You shuld check them out.
Brilliantly.
It's one AM and the stars are hidden
Beneath the clouds and city lights
We're standing outside
Holding hands, fingers clasped tight
It doesn't matter that we can't see
When I'm with you...
The stars are shining brilliantly tonight
And I want you by my side for always
It takes everything in me not to scream
Everything to the world.
Do you see what you do to me?
Can you believe it?
Because I can't
Tonight we are in hiding
From our own reality
Everyone's asleep in their beds
While we're creating the world
Looking up at the dark sky
Can't you see, baby...
The stars are shining brilliantly tonight
And I want you by my side for always
It takes everything in me not to scream
Everything to the world.
Do you see what you do to me?
Can you believe it?
Because I can't
When we part ways our lips will touch
Our hands are gonna linger
There's a comet overhead
I'm gonna make a wish
Right here, right now
That when I look up...
The stars are shining brilliantly tonight
And I want you by my side for always
It takes everything in me not to scream
Everything to the world.
Do you see what you do to me?
Can you believe it?
Because I can't
The night was fated to be a dream
You're in your room
And I in mine
Sleeping the night away
But when I look out the window...
The stars are shining brilliantly tonight
And I want you by my side for always
It takes everything in me not to scream
Everything to the world.
Do you see what you do to me?
Can you believe it?
Because I can't
No, I can't.
No, I can't.
...The stars are shining brilliantly...tonight...
Does A Human Ear Look Like A Human Ear In A Human Palm?
Yesterday was one of the coolest days of my life. The first part of it was a little bit of a bummer, because I was hanging out with my cousin Marlee, but she got a migraine, and so I ended up going home earlier so she could just rest and stuff. But at about four, Trent, who has made an appearance in these blogs before, and you should all remember him as the love of my life, came over. You see, we were waiting in anticipation for this house show, which La Dispute was playing at. For those of you who don't know who La Dispute is, you should definitely check them out on MySpace, and give them more than one listen-- I didn't like them at first, and then I listened to a it a few more times, and I discovered I love them! It just takes a bit to get used to. Anyways. There were six other bands playing at this show, and it was only six bucks to get it. The atmosphere was so close and personal; it was almost cooler than all the big bands I've seen in big venues. The line up we saw was The Confidence, Truth Be Told, Vanagon, and La Dispute. There was a band before The Confidence, but I didn't catch their name, sadly.
What I liked most is that most of these bands had a Christian message to tell. Yeah, yeah, I know, some people hate that. For example, during Truth Be Told, the guitarist Scott started talking about Jesus and his love for us, and two girls behind me decided to talk over him about how much they hate having religion shoved down their throats. How uncool is that? He wasn't shoving it, he was speaking about his beliefs. He really just wanted to tell everyone about it, in a non-confrontational way... And she just had the nerve to talk over him. I wonder if people realize how often we, as Christians, have your secularism shoved down out throats. Yeah. I bet NO ONE thinks of it that way. We have to make concessions and be politically correct for every other religion and denomination, but EVERYONE on God's green Earth is allowed to make fun of the Christians. What is up with that? So, in light of that, I think that two minutes of a guy talking between songs is perfectly acceptable.
You know, with all that talking about Jesus, I'd just like to remind everyone that it is Easter. And even if you don't believe in God right now, I'd like you to think about it... I mean, he died for you. He suffered hell on the cross, to make up for every rotten thing you've ever done in your life. Think about it. Yeah, I know you know what I'm talking about. I've done things that are wrong too. But you know what the comfort is? I'm forgiven. You're forgiven. Jesus LOVES you, no matter how much you've done, no matter how worthless you feel, you are NEVER alone. He is with you, and he will never fail you. Look into the Bible. Seek Him out. I promise you that there's nothing to lose in this exchange. And everything to gain. My Bible teacher once told me something interesting. In an argument with an atheist, a professor of God's Word said, "Well, what happens if I'm wrong?" The atheist answered that he'd just die and nothing would happen. When the Professor asked, "What happens if I'm right?" The atheist had no answer. I'm not saying we should take an agnostic approach to God, but it just seems like a safer bet to me.
All right. I'm going to stop talking about my religion now. But if you're ever interested, you can check it here: http://wels.net/cgi-bin/site.pl
I'd like to wish all of you a blessed Easter, and happy eating... Take it easy on the chocolate bunnies, okay?
<3Kayla
Nobody, Not Even The Rain
Today, I had a wonderful day. If you've been reading along, you know that today was the epic Chinese meal outing. It was a good time, and Trent and I finally got to finish
21 Grams, which we've been trying to do since Sadie Hawkins back in February. Which is a little ridiculous, I know, but it was worth it. All I have to say is that it made me laugh at one point, and cry at another. If you ever watch it, beware of the shoelace comment. That sent me over the edge. But it kind of just proved to me that I really do love Naomi Watts as an actress. Haha.
Anyways. Other good things are happening. I'm finally getting minutes of my cellphone. They'll probably be gone very soon, but oh well. It's nice to have them...and the purpose for finally getting them makes me immeasurably happy. My dad finally said that I can go to the La Dispute house show on Saturday, because it's NOT in a bad part of town, as we previously believed. Instead, it's out in farm country, and perfectly safe. Well, as safe as you can get in this world, I guess. And he even offered to drive Trent and I there if the ride with my friends Cassie and Johnna falls through. To be honest, I'll probably end up riding with my dad, since he said he'd prefer it. I don't care. As long as we're there. I've only been to big concerts. Well, not necessarily BIG... but you know what I mean. I've been dying to go to a house show for a while now.
Also, tomorrow, I get to see my cousin Marlee. She's one of my favorite people alive, and I haven't seen her since Christmas, and there's just so much shit that I have to tell her. Everything in my life right now, the best things, have all happened in that span of time, and Facebook chat just doesn't cut it when we're talking about love and friends and drama. She's in college, so I try not to burden her too much with the high school drama-- hell,
I don't even like the high school drama, but sometimes, you just have to vent a little, you know? As you saw in my last blog post, I'm one of those people who's a little preachy on the subject, but it's important to me that peopl realize what they're DOING. No one THINKS before they hurt. It's not till after the damage is done that people even realzied they've caused pain.
Which is really sad I think. I find it easy to get along with almsot every person in my school, and I can still find it in me to be civil and friendly to those who aren't my favorite. It's not that hard; it's human decency, for God's sake... And we're supposed to be a CHRISTIAN school too. That's right. I go to a private Christian high school, and let me tell you, we're as bad as a public school, we just don't have the gangs and the violence. But trust me-- those idiots can do just as much pot and booze and have just as much sex as every public school kid. Which is a bummer, because people buy into the illusion that these people are somehow better than the others. Fuck, most of the bad kids think they're still better than everyone else, because they have the school's reputation and their parents' money to hide behind.
Wow. That wasn't really supposed to happen, that little mini-rant I apologize. Once I get started, it's hard to stop. Haha.
Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is college. My parents want me to go learn to be a WELS teacher, but I'm coming to the conclusion that that's not where I'm meant to be. I want to be an author, or a journalist, hell, maybe even a poet. I don't know. I need to write to survive, I know that much. Being a WELS teacher would mean that I would have to censor my every thought, and I couldn't handle that. I can't even handle the censorship I'm under
now, with my stepmom semi-stalking me on Facebook and MySpace. So having to mince all of my words to conform to a Christian ideology? I believe in God. I love God. I love the ideology. But it's not real life. The things I write about do not necessarily fit into a Christian genre, and how could I live, always worried about losing my job because of a word badly taken? No. That's not the life for me, I think.
But that place is one of the cheapest, and has good courses. The catch is that you've got to be a teacher when you're done. And I don't think I want that. Sure, I could teach writing... but it would never be the same, and the censorship problem still exists. I'm thinking of a liberal arts school in Grand Rapids. Who knows, there are a few good places around the GR area. Plus, that's where all the local Michigan music is. Which for me, is a big deal, cause I need music to survive, you know. I've mentioned that.
Well. This has been an interesting post, I think. Some whimsy, some seriousness, a little mini-rant about life thrown in there. I'm gonna wrap it up now. Wish me luck on getting my new jeans tomorrow, by the way. Haha. Hopefully my size will still be on the sale rack!! Oh, and pray for me not to die in someone's basement in a mosh pit at La Dispute. Peace, guys. Thanks for reading.
<3Kayla
People, Faces, and Thoughts
Reading through people's facebook and myspace statuses on my home page for both website never ceases to amaze me. In different ways. Right now, this is what's really bothering me. I have a whole lot of questions, ones I'm not asking for answers to. They're most rhetorical questions, or thoughtful questions... I just wonder, you know?
Why do people feel the need to absolutely destroy each other?
Why do people lie to each other abot everything and anything they can?
What is the point of having two faces?
Which one are you, and when do you cease to exist at all, because you're too caught up in being someone you're not?
Why do we fight and scream and rage at each other over the internet, instead of talking like real people?
WHEN DID IT BECOME A GAME TO NOT BE LEGITIMATE?
This isn't directed at anyone in particular, it's just a musing on what I've been observing. There are people that I think I know and love, and then someone else tries to tell me they're horrible. There are people I think I don't want to know and hate, and then someone tells me they're a good person and I'm completely wrong. And always, ALWAYS, there are people who will not show who and what they really are. Why? I don't know. I would rather be myself and not have anyone then be a fake and have everyone. Because when it comes down to it, "everyone" becomes "no one" pretty damn quick after they find our you're lying.
There comes a point where bullshit is no longer acceptable.
A time comes in life when fake smiles and fake friends won't cut it.
You're on top of the world now, but when you get out in the real world, your imaginary world is gonna crash and burn.
That's just the way it is. We're in high school. Of course people are going to pander to your bullshit.
Just remember that eventually, you will have to answer for what you've done.
I mean, take a look around...
Every myspace bulletin I read through, when asked about life, I'm the only person I've seen who consistently answers that life is good. People leave their shattered emotions lying around everywhere, little glittery pieces for the rest of us to step on and feel. If I could, I would help every single one of them. But most of them don't want help, or think they don't anyways. It's my opinion that if someone leaves hints about how badly they're hurting all over the internet, they want help, but there are a number of times I've tried to say something, only to be told to mind my own business.
IF YOU DIDN'T WANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE, DON'T POST YOUR LIFE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE.
It hurts me to see all these people I know having such problems. It makes my little savior complex issue go insane. It makes me feel all the attachment I have to these people go away, and then the rejected feeling rips me apart. Sometimes I wish I could hide from it, but fuck, I can't even do that. It's everywhere. Every fucking place I turn. That's why I'm afraid to get a twitter-- I can't handle that shit alllll the time.
The point is that it sucks to be the listener and the helper...
When no one wants to talk and everyone thinks they can help themselves.
Could you all do me a favor, and just step back and take a deep breath?
Remember that we are young.
Hell, we're KIDS.
High school is supposed to be a time for us to act like adults, and still get to be kids, you know?
Run around till all hours, but still have a home to go to, and parents to take care of us.
Instead, we're insisting on taking care of ourselves, and just making everything so much more complicated than to has to be.
Take this small piece of advice, if you're going to take anything away from this:
BREATHE.
LIVE.
FORGIVE.
In ten years, none of this will matter anymore. We'll all look back and wonder what the big deal was. After all, this is our youth. Let's not fuck it all up by acting too grown up, okay? [[this isn't meant to hurt anyone.]]
[[this isn't directed at any single person.]]
[[these are just my feelings and my worries.]]
[[feel free to ignore them and go about your merry way.]]
[[i'm here for you.]]
[[don't ever forget it.]]
Dreaming Up Nonsense.
Riding on escalators always makes my day. I don't know why. There's something so intriguing about being able to just stand on a flight of stairs and have it whisk you away to where you want to be. Maybe the childrens' clothes department of JC Penny isn't exactly where I wanted to be, but you know what, I had fun getting there, and they say that getting there is half the fun. Haha. See, the title wasn't lying, this is all utter nonsense. I'm just writing what comes to mind. Hope you're enjoying the ride a little at least.
So here's a completely different topic. Today, I sat down and hung out with my friend Rishad for like three hours. And I realized that I take him for granted. He's leaving next year, and I'm going to miss him. So much. I guess he seemed like one of those people who would always be around...and now he's not going to be, and I'm very sad. I mean, I'm not going to be distraught and immobile without him, but it's gonna be strange and tough without him around. Things are a little bit easier when he's around, because he has the ability to make every situation funny, and to cheer someone up. Ugh. Oh well. Times change. Hopefully we'll stay in touch, and we might end up going to colleges around each other, so I'm guessing we're gonna stay pretty good friends.
This thursday, I'm going out to eat Chinese with my boyfriend Trent and his brother Seth, and I have a feeling it's going to be the most epic meal...EVER. haha. It just SOUNDS like a good time, right? Haha. Well, some of you reading this might not know Trent and Seth. Let me sum this up. Trent is my soulmate, the absolute love of my life. Seth, his older brother, is pretty much like him, just older and more cynical. So when you throw three smart, cynical, sarcastic people together...PLUS Chinese? Yup. Fucking good times. And I was just informed by Seth that I am now always included in their brother outings, cause he likes me a lot. Which, honestly, means a lot, seeing as the love of my life has had several other girlfriends, none of whom have been particularly popular with his family. I'm an epic win I guess. Wow. That sounds rather conceited. I don't mean it like that...If anything, I win epicly for having Trent, because he's the best thing to ever happen to me.
Okay. Mushmush is over now. I call that SAP SPAM (TM) haha. It's not really trademarked, but I'm the only one to use the term. You may feel free to use it now if you like.
SO. I love music. I fucking love it like it is a living breathing human baby that is cuter than anything on the plant. Music is the one thing in life that keeps me sane and functioning. And you know what music I'm really loving right now? SILVERSTEIN. Their new album
A Shipwreck In The Sand is pretty much the most epic thing...ever. It's a concept album, and it is BEAUTIFUL. Shane Told has author power in him, and it shows. If you're interested in the story, you can check it out at "ashipwreckinthesand.com" and read it. THEN you can go BUY the album and not download it like a fucking asshole. Cause you know, when you download the album, I don't care HOW much you
love the artist; you are putting them in the hole. They need money to keep making music, and by stealing from them, you're kind of stealing from yourself. Cause if they go bankrupt....well then you're shit out of luck, aren't you?
Let's see. What else can I talk about. I've done random. I've done SAP SPAM (TM). I've done shameless band namedropping and ranting about and issue I care about in one fell swoop. This isn't a very long blog, but you know. I'll probably copy some of my other blogs from MySpace over here, for fun. Some of them are deep, you know? Haha. And I'll be putting up lyrics and poems, too. I'm just like that. I'm a triple fold writer.
All right. Peace. Love. Remember to breathe every once in a while, it's good for you.
<3Kayla
