Coffee Shop Daze

ignorance is your NEW BEST FRIEND.

I'm going to admit it to you guys, since I can't seem to admit it to myself or anyone else really. Right now, I'm angry. I'm so angry. So angry that I probably shouldn't be writing this, I should probably be punching something until I feel better, but you know what? This is how I communicate. Let me start of with some lyrics that I just realized match my mood PERFECTLY. It's utterly beautiful how my music collection can sum up my feelings better than I can:

"We're the friends who stuck together, we wrote our names in blood. I guess you can't accept that the change is good, it's good, it's good. You treat me just like another stranger! Well it's nice to meet you... I best be on my way out."

Have you ever had that friend who just refuses to admit that they have a good life? I don't mean occasionally being down, or needing your help-- it's every fucking second of every fucking day. They don't think their life is good, and they will NOT let you or ANYONE ELSE forget it. You have an achievement? Forget it. You have a funny story to tell? Better keep your mouth shut, because it might upset their delicate emotions. Yeah, I'm sure you all know what kind of a person I'm talking about.

Debbie FUCKING Downer.

It's kind of funny-- last night, I was skimming on yahoo, and a featured article was on how to tell if you're a girl in a toxic friendship. I matched up 7/9. That is NOT good. And guess what? When I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore, when it was make or break, and I chose make, I was the one who was the bad friend.

Those of you who know me well (most of you) know that I am a fucked up individual, and I have this thing called a savior complex where I have to FIX people. Therefore, I don't walk away. I don't give up. I don't call it a day and go to bed feeling good about myself. I agonize over it, I shed tears and sweat for these people, and you know what? Most of them get better. I help people, it's what I do. I'm not asking for a pat on the back, I'm asking for some recognition. For this ONE PERSON to listen to me just once, and not blow of my advice, and hide behind a thin veil of "you couldn't possibly understand'."

Well, the gloves are off now. I've said my bit. You can chose to listen or to ignore me (again). I've tried. I have tried so hard, given you the best of what's in my head, done every single fucking thing I could to help you move on.

And you didn't listen.

So now I'm not going to listen to you. Because if I keep watching you destroy yourself, it'll kill me.

Maybe ignorance is OUR new best friend.

I'm sorry to my followers-- I know that I've used this blog as a soap box and a venting arena too many times lately, but I'm always grateful for the messages I get offering to help, and all that. It means the world to me that someone cares that much about me. I promise I'll go back to talking about life one of these days.

posted by Kayla @ 6:59 PM