Hakuun and Kuzan (All The Stars Are Bleeding)
[
this song is based on chapter 25 of "The Raw Shark Texts" by Steven Hall. It's the first song I've written that's not about me or someone I know, so if it sucks, give me a little tiny break. haha.]
(v1) The tension is there
And you know that I know
Was it all lies?
You talk and talk
But I don't believe a word
You're helping me to help yourself
(chorus) The facts are the facts
And I believed the feeling
We only see starlight
'Cause all the stars are bleeding
Over and over you admit
And I lash out
You're surviving
While I'm just dying
(v2) Don't see, please don't see
My hands are still shaking
With every word
I want to know
How could I ever trust you?
You made the choice I wouldn't make
(chorus) The facts are the facts
And I believed the feeling
We only see starlight
'Cause all the stars are bleeding
Over and over you admit
And I lash out
You're surviving
While I'm just dying
(v3) Your eyes are breaking
You guessed it all so wrong
My reaction
You win this fight
But we're still stuck together
Tell me the plan before I leave
(chorus) The facts are the facts
And I believed the feeling
We only see starlight
'Cause all the stars are bleeding
Over and over you admit
And I lash out
You're surviving
While I'm just dying
(bridge) We're bleeding together
Under the shining stars
This betrayal's just too much
All the stars are bleeding
I just want to go back to trusting
But the facts are the facts
And I won't go on feelings anymore
With any luck the memories
Will be eaten away by morning
(chorus) The facts are the facts
And I believed the feeling
We only see starlight
'Cause all the stars are bleeding
Over and over you admit
And I lash out
You're surviving
While I'm just dying
are you going to live your life wondering, standing in the back, looking around?
It's been a loooooong time since I've bothered to write a blog about my life, since most of the people who are following it are just here for the lyrics (insert shout out to Entropy here). But since the last one was just me being pissy about my mom, and had shitty formatting to boot, I figure, hell, let's let everyone know what's up in the interesting (sometimes) life of Kayla.
I still haven't been up to much, but let me relate to you the funfilled story of last week (I can't remember the weekday, it's summer). Trent, soulmate extraordinaire, and I, decided to go for a walk around, oh I don't know, 8ish? We walked around for a long time, and ended up passing by my friend Tara's house, and I didn't even realize we were by her house till we were halfway in the street and Tara came running out to grab us. After a hug, we were invited into her house, so I could be used to show Tara's mom that facial piercings are not evil and unsightly. (Did I mention my lip is pierced now? oops.) Well, we ended up staying and talking about recent events, like the teacher cuts at school that I wrote "We are people not numbers" about, and the recent break-up of friend couple Amanda and Luke.
Somehow, it was brought up that we all wanted to go watch a movie. Or felt like going to a movie. So Tara ran to check movie listings, and lo and behold "UP" was playing at 9.25 PM. When this was realized, it was 9.11 PM After obtaining permission from all parental units, Tara, Trent, and I practically dove for the car, and had to make a quick stop off to kidnap our friend Lucas from his house, and drive away, passing Trent's house, where we stopped and attempted to kidnap our other friend who we call Mulchuck, but he was lame and didn't come with us. So, a little behind schedule, we set off, confident we'd only miss the previews. On the way there, we listened to a happy music mix made by yours truly, and had some epic driving music. We went to the wrong movie theatre at first, and then on the way to the correct one, nothing could have been more perfect than the song "Keasbey Nights" by Streetlight Manifesto.
If you don't know Streetlight, at least go YouTube that song, it's fucking good. Anyways, we ended up 20 minutes late, and STILL caught the last commercial and the cute short "Partly Cloudy" -- which gave Trent a heart attack, since he's deathly afraid of cotton and the clouds were so cottony, it just freaked him right the hell out. Anyways, the movie started, and Trent and Lucas made fun of some parts, I cried a total of three times, Tara cried a few times, we laughed a lot... I have to say, Russell talking about how he misses "the boring" times with his absentee dad, and how his dad used to be around a lot, and now is never there... Yeah. Reminded me too much of my mom. It was a little too close for comfort-- every time he talked about his dad I started crying. And then the scrapbook. I just lost it. And then I hear Trent, soulmate extraordinaire, lean over to Lucas and say, "They're both crying" and hear giggles. Oh well, he is a guy ;]
I ended up not getting home till almost midnight, and it was just that kind of day I needed to remind me I have the best group of friends alive and that we can have some goddamn fun if we need to! HELL YEAH. Anyways. Moving on.
Yesterday, I had to go to a surprise birthday party for my grandma at my cousin Anne Marie's house, and that was sufficiently awkward. Lots of family I didn't remember. Lots of people giving me and Trent a hard time. But the blissful calm time when it was just me and Trent in the pool was nice. It was quiet. The water was cold, but not after you got used to it. And it was nice to be floted around in his arms. I could easily spend the rest of my life in his arms and never get tired of it.... Okay. Sorry. SAP SPAM! I ate lots of brownie cake concoction there, then I had to go and babysit for my stepmom's cousin Mandy, who pierced my lip for free on the condition I babysit free a few times. It was only Kennedy, the baby, who should've been easy, right? Especially since she was sleeping when I got there.
WRONG.
She woke up, and while I was unaware, watching the history channel like a total n3rd 61rl, she decided to take off her poopy diaper and get it all over her crib. After I cleaned that up, she decided she didn't want to go to bed, and was up with me until midnight when I left, running around and shit... Would've been fun if I wasn't totally, utterly exhausted from a week without sleep. Haha, speaking of not sleeping, it's 12.40 AM and I'm listening to the "Audrey, Wait!" soundtrack that I FrostWired all the songs to...
Which remind me. Go read the book "Audrey, Wait!" by Robin Benway, it's rad. I read it four or more times over the course of this year, and picked it up at Barnes and Nobles today, and got halfway through. Note to self: just buy the damn book when you have money. Anyways, I went on Robin Benway's site, and saw the whole list of songs that made up the chapter titles was on there, so I downloaded all the songs and made a playlist on my Zune. So I'll be jammin' to Audrey for a good while.
Hmmm. I think this post has been long enough. Here, I will leave you with some parting gifts. Video links, pictures, and a book website, OH MY! Haha. Peace out guys.
LIP PIERCING
PRINCESS PIC (girly wut)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk9RRnpFg24 (Keasbey Nights-- you thought I forgot!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9VO-w3djsA (KN sequel -- "Point/Counterpoint")
http://www.audreywait.com (book website)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eYgWmipuDk (The XYZ Affair does their own version of the song in the book)
<3Kayla
Congrats.
(v1) When you told me I would break
I didn't believe you
Congratulations, you were right
I'm awake and crying
And where are you?
(chorus) What's the crisis this time?
Your existential worries
Are getting the best of me
I'm sorry I can't be the one
To fill the void that you created
Let me apologize
For all the meaningless memories
Of a mediocre existence
(v2) The breath catches in my throat
I'm choking on your pain
Sitting alone in this bedroom
You're asleep and dreaming
AND WHO AM I?
(chorus) What's the crisis this time?
Your existential worries
Are getting the best of me
I'm sorry I can't be the one
To fill the void that you created
Let me apologize
For all the meaningless memories
Of a mediocre existence
(bridge) I'm fighting a losing battle
You said I'd break
Here I am in a million pieces
Go ahead and say 'I told you so'
I don't care
I don't care
I don't fucking care
As long as I know you're okay
But you're not here to let me know
And do you even care?
(chorus) What's the crisis this time?
Your existential worries
Are getting the best of me
I'm sorry I can't be the one
To fill the void that you created
Let me apologize
For all the meaningless memories
Of a mediocre existence
(outro) If it isn't good enough
I'll fight until it is
I'll bleed until it is
All in your name, your name
Let me apologize
And tell me what you're looking for
If You Don't See
[
another interesting format for the intro, when the words in parthesis appear, it means they're meant to be sung AT THE SAME TIME as the line they're next to. the parts in bold should be SCREAMING or SPEAK RHYTHM. the parenthesis are part of a popular song first penned by Leonard Cohen. got it?]
(intro)
Oh, you know know you've been fooledWhen she can say what she wants (She tied you to a kitchen chair)
And you'll stand by and take it (She broke your throne)
The same fucking shit (She cut your hair)
You said you didn't want (And from your lips she drew)
It's too late now (A hallelujah)
You crossed the line (hallelujah, hallelujah)
And you can't go back (hallelujah, hallelujah)
(v1) Now she's got you wrapped around her finger
You'll do anything she wants
Including leave us behind
Well fine, I understand
We'll pick up the pieces
You broke on the way out
(chorus) It's a crying shame
All you potential, wasted
To make you the graceless fool
Just to make her love you
And all she does is use you
A cover for her own mistake
If you don't see now, you never will
(v2) Now you say we didn't listen to her
And turn it all around
To make us look like villains
Well fine, I understand
Don't expect us to wait
For you to comprehend
(bridge) You lied to us and to yourself
Oh, you know you've been fooled
When she can say what she wants
And you'll agree to blame anyone but her
You're both alone, you're both alone(chorus) It's a crying shame
All you potential, wasted
To make you the graceless fool
Just to make her love you
And all she does is use you
A cover for her own mistake
If you don't see now, you never will
(outro)
Lies, rumors
Your knives in our backs
I hope you're happy now
You're so pathetic
She'll say what she wants
If you don't see now, you never will
Under The Streetlights
[
okay this is a little different. this song is meant to be a duet. love is about two people right, so the song might as well be. haha enjoy]
(v1-- guy verse) It's pretty funny how things work out
Went to the same grade school
Never spoke a word
Never spared you a glance
Three years of high school gone by
Until we finally got in touch
(chorus) Now we're kissing under the streetlights
And I'll whisper in your ear
The snow keeps falling down
But everything is silent
All except for you and me
Walking through the streets
With the stars hidden overhead
Yeah, we're kissing under the streetlights
(v2-- girl verse) Tara told me to talk to that boy
The one I never saw
She said I'd see
She said that I should try
Because he was meant for me
Without her, I never would've said a word
(chorus) Now we're kissing under the streetlights
And I'll whisper in your ear
The snow keeps falling down
But everything is silent
All except for you and me
Walking through the streets
With the stars hidden overhead
Yeah, we're kissing under the streetlights
(bridge part one [girl]) Now it's pretty plain to see
That you're the one for me
Never thought it would happen like this
But I'm falling head over heels
Yeah I said I'm falling
Yeah I'm falling for you
(bridge part two [guy]) It doesn't matter what they say
As long as I'm with you
I've gone off the deep end
Swimming out towards you
And if I have to drown before I get there
I'll be drowning in your glow
[together] This all happened so damn fast
But I wouldn't change a thing...
(chorus) Now we're kissing under the streetlights
And I'll whisper in your ear
The snow keeps falling down
But everything is silent
All except for you and me
Walking through the streets
With the stars hidden overhead
Yeah, we're kissing under the streetlights
We Are PEOPLE Not NUMBERS.
(v1)This is the place we came
To find ourselves
And meet each other
Now it’s crashing down
A burning plane of ruined lives
And grieving souls
(chorus) Did you ever stop to think
That we are people
Not numbers
Did you ever stop to think
That this is where we belong?
All you saw was the money
That wasn’t there
And forgot about the people who were
(v2) So now we sit alone
In our own place
Thinking what to do
But we’re at a loss
A motionless army of friends
Who need this life
(chorus) Did you ever stop to think
That we are people
Not numbers
Did you ever stop to think
That this is where we belong?
All you saw was the money
That wasn’t there
And forgot about the people who were
(v3) Yeah, you never believed
You didn’t hear
Never had faith in us
We’re not a joke
We’re not your puppets dancing on strings
We are people
(chorus) Did you ever stop to think
That we are people
Not numbers
Did you ever stop to think
That this is where we belong?
All you saw was the money
That wasn’t there
And forgot about the people who were
(bridge) And we can rant and rave
You’ll laugh in our face
When it comes down to it
We’ll fight this war
We’re not going down
Like docile little sheep
Like you’d prefer
We are the army of the fallen
The ones you want to die off
We won’t back down for you
We won’t go down in flames
(chorus) You never stopped to think
That we are people
Not numbers
You never stopped to think
That this is where we belong?
All you saw was the money
That wasn’t there
And forgot about the people who were
And still are
(outro)We are the broken hearts
We are the faithful friends
We are the beaten warriors
We are the deadened souls
We are the ones who pray
We are the ones who hold steady
We will be the ones to win
[as of this afternoon, six of our teachers got cut. last year, our synod tried to close our school. now, it seems they want to drive us into the ground. please pray for us. we don't know what to think anymore.]
And Here We Go Again...
Hey there people. It's been a while since I've done a life blog. Kriegs thinks that my lyrics are boring because they don't rhyme, so I figured I'd do a little write up on what's been going on since summer break:
NOTHING.
I'm bored out of my mind. The only good thing that's happened is the day that Amanda came over and the times I've spent at Trent's house. Although those time appear to be getting shorter lately. Whatever. I recently spent a few days at my mom's house. Which to me is like... Chinese water torture. I literally cannot stand her. I wish she'd just fall off the earth and save us the trouble of another 40something slut who thinks she's 20something.
I mean what?
Ha. Sorry. I'm venting some irritation that's been building up the past few days.
You may be wondering, "But Kayla, why'd you go if you hate it?" My stepmom made me go because my dad was out of town. So I literally spent like thirty hours fighting to keep the shitty wireless signal I get from the top bunk, escaping to Trent's house when I could. But I got some shorts out of these days of horror, so that's a plus I guess, seeing as I had no shorts. Except some cute cutoffs I made. I don't really have the self-esteem for shorts, which is why I don't own any right now.
Moving on. Why does every Disney Channel Tween Star release a solo album? Now Mitchel Musso has one. NEWS FLASH KIDS. JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ON DISNEY CHANNEL DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN SING. JUST SO YOU KNOW. MOST OF YOU SUCK. Like a little girl named Miley Cyrus, whose fame is riding from controversy to controversy. They're all gonna burn out like little Britney Spears.
All right. This is kind of a boring vent blog. I apologize for that. Maybe I'll post a short story or something later, tomorrow...whatever. Maybe some lyrics. Glenn wants some cheerful ones, but I'm not really feeling cheerful right now, so who knows how that will turn out. I hope you're all having wonderful days.
<3Kayla.
Old Lyrics I Found In My Documents
[
these are old. bear with me if they suck]
LOVE146(v1)Traveling to the corners of the earth
What do we hear?
The children are crying
But no one is listening
How can we hear what we ignore?
(ref)In her eyes was the strength to carry on
Staring back through the glass
Waiting for the cruelty
In her eyes there was a light
To give a purpose
146
(v2)Standing shoulder to shoulder with the predators
What do we see?
The children are dying
But no one is caring
How can we save what we won’t see?
(ref)In her eyes was the strength to carry on
Staring back through the glass
Waiting for the cruelty
In her eyes there was a light
To give a purpose
146
(v3)And could we even begin
To fix them now?
After what we did to them
All the hurt they’ve felt
We’ll never know if we don’t try
(ref)In her eyes was the strength to carry on
Staring back through the glass
Waiting for the cruelty
In her eyes there was a light
To give a purpose
146
(bridge)Love Protects
Love Defends
Love Restores
Love Empowers
(ref)In her eyes was the strength to carry on
Staring back through the glass
Waiting for the cruelty
In her eyes there was a light
To give a purpose
To inspire greatness
Like something we’ve never seen
Number 146
QUESTIONSv1)I hate it more and more and more
The pressure building up inside me
Burning so intense I’m afraid of what could happen
What if I just let it all go?
What if I just pushed it all away?
(ref)Why can’t you all see what I see?
How did you become so blind?
When and where did it all go bad?
I can ask as many questions as I want
And still never get an answer.
But I’ll ask just once more
Is there any way to fix this?
(v2)I’m about to explode from holding back
Words rush to my mind
Insults, curses, accusations
But I bite my tongue and say nothing
Could I just let it go?
Could I just push it all away?
(ref)Why can’t you all see what I see?
How did you become so blind?
When and where did it all go bad?
I can ask as many questions as I want
And still never get an answer.
But I’ll ask just one more
Is there any way to fix this?
(v3)Why do you laugh and pretend
Like you never said the spiteful words?
You all insist upon holding on to such pointless anger
Why not hold on to the meaningful friendships?
If this doesn’t end soon…
I might just let it all go
I might just push it all away
(ref)Why can’t you all see what I see?
How did you become so blind?
When and where did it all go bad?
I can ask as many questions as I want
And still never get an answer.
But I’ll ask just one more
Is there any way to fix this?
(bridge)And if we could go back, would you try?
If we could lay it all bare, could you try?
I’d like to believe you wouldn’t hold onto your anger
Like so many petty children
But what I’d like to believe and what I know
Are two completely different things
(ref)Why can’t you all see what I see?
How did you become so blind?
When and where did it all go bad?
I can ask as many questions as I want
And still never get an answer.
But I’ll ask just one more
Is there any way to fix this?
(outro)Is there any way to fix this?
Is there any way to fix this?
Is there anyway to fix this?
Is there any way to fix this?
Is there even any way to try?
Savior Complex
(v1) I swear I'm breaking
With every new development
I said I'd fix you
But how long till it's me that needs fixing?
Keep talking, keep talking
I have to save you
Before it's too late
(chorus) Now which course of action
Should I take?
Fuel the fire
Or douse the flames
In the end it's all the same
(v2) You swear you're trying
With every heart breaking sigh
You said you would try
But now it's all on me
And if I can't?
Keep crying, keep crying
I swear I'll fix you
I won't fail
(chorus) Now which course of action
Should I take?
Fuel the fire
Or douse the flames
In the end it's all the same
(bridge) The fallen savior
If falling harder
Will I have to save myself?
It's all snapping and fraying
We're all broken!
I can't change that
And it's driving me
insane!
(chorus) Now which course of action
Should I take?
Fuel the fire
Or douse the flames
In the end it's all the same
It's all the same
The smoke will rise
I will fall and we will fall
This will end
Before it kills me
