Sunday, August 15, 2010

Dear Blogger,

I have yet another confession to make.

I'm putting you in my archive as where my lyrics are, but now...

Well....

I've fallen in love with Tumblr.

Sorry.

Love, Kayla

posted by Kayla @ 10:19 AM 0 Comments

Saturday, July 3, 2010

kiss the stars with me.

Dear Blogger,

I have a confession to make. I miss you, terribly. I'm at Amanda's with the internet, so I feel I can post this now. I miss venting here, and commenting on Farva's blog. I miss putting my lyrics here and just giving Peter the links.

School starts August 28th, and I'll have a long break between classes.

I promise that I'm coming back, as soon as school starts. It'll be glorious.

Love,
Kayla

posted by Kayla @ 8:46 AM 1 Comments

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Nightmare

(v1) Yeah, it might be a brand new day

But no, you can’t erase the hurt from yesterday

Go on, leave your notes, they’re meaningless to me

I guess growing up means getting crushed

Until there’s nothing left

(ref) And I hope that you enjoy this last six months

This last power struggle

‘Cause it’s all you’ve got

Six months till I’m freer than the flames

Take what you can from this

‘Cause I’m taking off

And the last thing you’re gonna get is my middle finger

While I’m screaming “I’m fucking free!”

(v2) Do you really think making me miserable

Will solve a single thing?

It won’t get you any damn respect

Only my resentment.

I say, “go ahead do it”

See where I end up, ‘cause I’m not coming back

(bridge) And I swear, every time I leave

It gets harder to come back

I hate this fucking place

And everything in it

You’re losing control and you can’t stand it

What do you say now that I’m you worst nightmare?

What do you say now that you've got nothing on me?


(outro) Stop acting like a kid

I'm not your baby anymore

I won't take this

You can't do this

I'm fucking free!

posted by Kayla @ 8:39 AM 0 Comments

Sunday, November 29, 2009

i should never think.

This morning, I was thinking. Some of you just thought oh shit, here we go. But no, this isn't about anything personally related to me, it's something that Trent's probably said to me before. But it just hit me this morning, in a hard way. I was helping out with my stepmom's sunday school, and these kids are like... three, maybe four. After the story, it was time for them to color their pictures. There are three examples of how the situation played out. One was Evan. Evan is a sweet, cute little boy, and he colors excellently. Not a spot of crayon outside the lines. Problem? He was coloring the guy's skin green. Two was Jayden. Jayden give a fuck where the lines were, he was just scribbling everywhere, having some genuine fun with that crayon. Three was Emma. Emma was using all the right colors, and was very upset whenever she blundered outside the lines. Evan's dad was trying to convince him to use the "right" color for skin. Jayden's grandma kept trying to get him to just stay inside the lines. Emma was being praised for being so good at coloring.

Hold on, hold the phone. It's just a picture. Why should they have to color in the lines, or use the right color? So what is Jesus has green skin in Evan's picture? Jayden's grandma kept threatening to get a new picture and make him start over, and everyone kept telling Emma what a good job she was doing. And when it comes down to it, she wasn't doing a BETTER job, she was just doing the more...acceptable job.

I loved Evan's picture. I wish I could hang it up in my room.

The point of this little anecdote is... why should we have to color inside the lines? I don't understand! But when I think about it, it's the mantra of kindergarten teachers around the world. Color in the lines, no people aren't that color... It's imagination murder at it's finest. Imaginicide, if you will. Little kids have this insane ability to see a picture that isn't there. They'll draw things we could never dream up if given a million dollars. They'll color people what they think they should be colored. And I think it's beautiful.

But it's beaten out of us. And not just with something like coloring... We are taught that dreaming and imagining is a silly, silly thing. We're taught that to get by in this world, you've got to get your goddamn head out of the clouds, and go to school, and get a good job, so we can pay for everything our hearts desire. But what if we don't WANT that?

Me, for example. On my phone, my banner says "la vie boheme" to remind myself that it's not all about material stuff. I want to live the life of an artist, and artists don't make billions and live in mansions. haha. I want to have some integrity. But the artist must also have an imagination, and in these days, it's so hard. SO HARD. Our parents are constantly trying to keep our feet on the ground at all times, to keep us safe, to keep us from having delusions...

All our parents ever wanted was for us to color inside the lines. I say that's not good enough.

Paint the picture you see, not the one they want you to see.

posted by Kayla @ 8:58 AM 0 Comments

Friday, November 27, 2009

Thankfulness.

I meant to write this yesterday, but I got lazy. All that turkey made me sleepy.

We say thank you so much in our lives. So much that we don't even mean it half the time. We just say it as an automatic response, or as a "yeah thanks whatever" kind of thing. There are very few people who truly MEAN "i thank you for this" when they utter a thanks. I'll be the first to admit I'm guilty of this, I say thank you to people on the phone at work all the time for no particular reason other than to sound polite.

But when it comes down to it, we have to know the things we're truly thankful for. I think a lot of us take those things for granted. (Again, myself included.) So let me list a few things I'm glad to have, and I'll elaborate upon them a bit, after that.

People
~Marlee
~Trent
~Tara
~Hilde
~Christian
~Amanda
~Mike
~Paul
~Glenn

Bands
~Evanescence
~Paramore
~Silverstein
~Flyleaf
~Chiodos

Things
~Music
~Writing
~Great roleplaying sites
~Nightlife
~Concerts
~Chocolate
~Potatoes
~Computers

Places
~Movie Theatres
~Malls
~Parks
~Houses
~MLS
~anywhere that feels like home
TO ELABORATE
xxMarlee
My cousin. My sister. Possibly the best member of my whole family. She never judges me, listens when I'm angsty, puts up with my ridiculous obsessions. She buys Harry Potter shirts with me. In short, she's the best friend I have. It's depressing that she's away most of the time, but that's the progression of life. I love her.

xxTrent
You are easily the best random occurrence of my entire life. I never knew what was missing from my life until you were there, so neatly filling the hole in my heart I'd given up on filling. You're sweet and loving, you have the best bedtime stories, and I'm looking forward to a life with you. If Marlee didn't hold the position of ultimate best friend forever, it'd go to you, but sorry, she's kind of got that wrapped up.

xxTara
You're one of the few people left that I trust with all my secrets. And you always handle them so well. I'm sorry I burden you with so much talk, but I really have no where else to go sometimes. You're my best friend from grade school, and I will always make you mixes, no matter how far apart we are. And if "Dismantle. Repair." ever gets published, you get the first signed copy, I swear on my life.

xxHilde
This is the guy that engineered my happiness. I wouldn't have a soulmate if not for him, and I certainly wouldn't be as happy as I am now. You're another one of those surprise friends I ended up with next year, and I couldn't be happier. And I'm always here for you. I don't know why you forget this, but please don't.

xxChristian
You saved my life sophomore year. You gave me an outlet for pent up emotions that had been in hiding for months. And I miss you so much. One day, we're gonna rock out together and get drunk and do all that other fun shit, I promise. I'm gonna try and come to see you this summer. I want you to meet Trent and see how much happier I am with him.

xxAmanda
The first friend I made in high school. We're still going strong, haha. You mean the world to me. Sometimes we don't see eye to eye, but that's okay. I'm a few inches shorter than you.

xxMike
You were my first crush. I spent two and a half of my four years at Sem wishing I was with you. Now, I'm kind of seeing that it was never meant to be. You're my best guy friend from our class, even if you don't get my sarcasm half the time, and I probably make you feel awkward more than I should. Cuddling with you on the concert choir bus is always fun too. Haha.

xxPaul
You make fun of me almost as much as Hilde. But I know deep down you love me. Haha. You're like my brother. And you're welcome to my house anytime MLS gets to be too much for you.

xxGlenn
My musical pal. I'll write lyrics for you anytime you like, and if More Than Conquerors every actually covers "Pressure", I'm more than happy to sing for you. I'm looking forward to more concerts and discussion together. Also, I'm sorry I put your screen name in Mystery Google, telling kids to talk to you about FTSL. =P

xxEvanescence
This band saved my life. That's all. I owe them forever, and I will always remain loyal to their music.

xxParamore
Gave me the courage to stand up to my mom. They also taught me how to have fun with music.

xxSilverstein
I just love these guys. And they can tell a wicked story. (See: A Shipwreck In The Sand)

xxFlyleaf
This band helps me hold onto the scraps of faith I have left. They seem to know that I struggle, and combat that struggle with lyrics that make me wonder why I wonder.

xxChiodos
I'm thankful for the version of this band WITH Craig Owens, for giving me the best concert of my life, and, despite almost killing me at Warped Tour, teaching me to enjoy moshing just a little.

I think the rest of the lists are self explanatory. But honestly, I'm truly thankful. These things and people and places mean the world to me.

<3kayla

posted by Kayla @ 10:39 AM 0 Comments

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Scoop.

This is an update blog, since all I ever do these days is bitch and try to wax poetically on my view of the world.

I AM WRITING A MUSICAL.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Okay, maybe it's not that exciting. But yeah, it's a story, and it contains songs by the wondrous band Say Anything. That's right. A SAY ANYTHING MUSICAL =D

Here's the gist of it. Max Stevens is a regular guy. He's just been accepted to college, and, unthinkingly, joins a Facebook group for his class, and adds every person in it as his friend. Soon, he begins receiving calls from a mysterious girl. Who is apparently interested in phone sex with random strangers. Despite the weirdness, he keeps letting her calls, and even calls her. And he decides he wants to meet her, so he arranges a meeting with her at a local coffee shop.

Molly Connelly is the mysterious caller. She's just mischievous, and wanted to mess with someone. Her best friend, Glenn Wayne, made her promise she'd never get involved with the guy in real life, but alas, when Max calls and asks her to meet him, she can't resist. What neither of them expect is Molly's hipster indie style and the fact that Max can't stand the bullshit. After a few fights and many sarcastic comments, they begin to grow on each other. They realize they liked each other all along, for who they were.

Except Max's crazy ex-girlfriend Hayley Fremont gets wind of this. She, and the miserable Glenn, who has loved Molly since pre-k, decide to scheme to get Max and Molly apart.

SO. That's the general plot. Can't tell you the ending and all.... but I can give you a list of songs and who sings them. =]

“Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too” – Max

“Admit It!!!”—Max

“That Is Why” –Molly and Max

“The Church Channel” –Hayley and Max

“Spay Me” –Molly

“Less Cute”—Molly, Glenn, Hayley

“I Want To Know Your Plans” –Glenn

“Admit It!!!” Reprise –Max, Glenn

“Crush’d”—Max

“Shiksa” –Max, Molly

“Baby Girl, I’m A Blur” –Glenn

“Retarded In Love” –Hayley, Glenn

“She Won’t Follow You” –Hayley, Max

“Ahhh…Men” –Glenn, Molly

“Every Man Has A Molly” –Glenn, Max

“The Futile” –Molly, Hayley

“That is Why” Reprise –Hayley, Max

“Hate Everyone” –Molly

“I Want To Know Your Plans” Reprise –Molly, Glenn, Max, Hayley

posted by Kayla @ 3:46 PM 1 Comments

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

It's the sorta thing that makes you think too much.

People... aren't good to each other.

And it's depressing.

I watch people get hurt and used every single day, and I have an ache inside of me that wants to help every single one of them. I see people talking about each other and spreading horrible lies. I hear everyone's exultant laughter when someone fails. The whole world waits to watch someone come crashing down.

Why?

Because we're humans. When we can't succeed at something, it's entertaining to watch another person fall down trying too. The people who are smart are painted as losers, and the people who are completely retarded are the ones we idolize.

Why?

Who knows. I've never understood it.

The point is, everything is fucked up. FUCKED. UP.

And I'm sick of it. I want to change things-- not only at our little school, but on a larger scale. I'm tired of people with two faces. I'm tired of my best friend PRETENDING to be my best friend. I am fucking sick of feeling disconnected from my best friends. I want my life back. And I'm going to have it back, even if I have to fight for it.

And I'll help others do the same thing.

Let's reclaim the goodness that we had. The innocent fun. Let's all go to one more concert, and sit in circles in the Commons, laughing like there's no tomorrow.

I'm done with being the ghost. If you're thinking of trying to put me down or hold me back... watch out. Because I'm not going to take it anymore.

"This is just a declaration of what I've felt. It's my time, this is just your resignation from our lives. It's time to FORGET what makes me sick. You've gotta let me live!" --ETF

posted by Kayla @ 1:31 PM 0 Comments